Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

Retrospect

Today marks 42 days since the last positive interaction with my son, 13 days since pure evil enveloped my life, and 23 minutes since the last time I cried. I have been doing a lot of reminiscing. Much of the time is spent replaying events and interactions wondering where the exact moment was when I… Continue reading Retrospect

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

I Just Want to Run

Courtrooms have the muffled vacuum sound of a library. The rich hunter green fabrics accented on slick, shiny dark wood furniture cause an awareness of your inferiority. The moment you enter the austere space, you realize this is where the rest of your life will be determined. There is a man behind the door to… Continue reading I Just Want to Run

Custody, parenthood

I Have No Confidence in This But Let’s Give it a Try

“I have no confidence in this but let’s give it a try.” Those are the words of the judge when he gave his ruling nine days ago. Every waking moment of my life since those words has been spent in speculation. Did my son’s father and stepmother know this judge? Was their sweaty, pudgy, red-faced,… Continue reading I Have No Confidence in This But Let’s Give it a Try

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

The Thing I Want Most

Today I am angry. I know in my heart of hearts an atrocious crime was committed. I know because I realize I am not crazy. I am not a control freak and I am not the reason my son left me. My son’s sperm donor tells him I am a control freak, just a stupid… Continue reading The Thing I Want Most

parenthood, Uncategorized

Alternate Universes

I keep thinking I will wake up and I will be in an alternate universe. Maybe I will find some green and yellow rings and puddle jump with Polly and Digory into different worlds. Maybe I will find a machine that takes me to the other side of the rift in time and I will… Continue reading Alternate Universes

parenthood, Uncategorized

My Son Left Me

I hate July. It is hot. My hair is dry from chlorine. I am several pounds heavier than I was in May. I have to shave my legs every day. I hate July. I hate July 2018. This is the month my life changed forever. In many ways, this will be ok. Possibly better than… Continue reading My Son Left Me