Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

Rabbit Hole

I spent a month away from writing. Several weeks ago, a perceptive, insightful friend insisted on stopping by my house for a couple of drinks. This seemed odd since we are both teachers and drinking past 9:00 pm on a Thursday night is a death sentence for Friday mornings. When she arrived, she wasted no… Continue reading Rabbit Hole

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

Please, Take a Shower

Seven days ago I willingly asked my son’s father to come to my home and take my son from me. Indefinitely. My 48-hour weekend visitation began with a grumpy 14 year old staring at his phone or playing Xbox for hours. I tiptoe around him, leaving him be, because I am nervous and weary of… Continue reading Please, Take a Shower

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

The Badge

As a single mother of two receiving a meager teacher’s salary and little to no child support, I managed to buy a house, pay my bills on time and involve my children in extracurricular activities.  I was the cook, the clean, the tutor, the chauffeur, the referee, the police officer, the monitor, the folder signer,… Continue reading The Badge

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized


My daily life is significantly easier. I do not wake up and instantly begin fighting with my son because he refuses to get up with his alarm. He then refuses to take a shower. He then refuses to make his lunch. He then refuses to put his shoes on. He then refuses to pack his… Continue reading Guilt

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

I Can Choose to Forgive

My son came home for the weekend. Physically, I noticed several changes. He is taller. I anticipated that one. He is pale. Team Edward in Twilight pale like he has not seen the sun in weeks. He is flabby. Flabby like the only exercise he’s gotten was walking from the couch to the toilet to… Continue reading I Can Choose to Forgive

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized


Today marks 42 days since the last positive interaction with my son, 13 days since pure evil enveloped my life, and 23 minutes since the last time I cried. I have been doing a lot of reminiscing. Much of the time is spent replaying events and interactions wondering where the exact moment was when I… Continue reading Retrospect

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized


Motherhood in the Age of Fear I read Kim Brooks’ article, “Motherhood in the Age of Fear,” and I realized I have joined the ranks of mothers who have been condemned for being a mother. I am so grateful for her article. It gives me a small bit of comfort to know I am not… Continue reading Motherhood

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

I Just Want to Run

Courtrooms have the muffled vacuum sound of a library. The rich hunter green fabrics accented on slick, shiny dark wood furniture cause an awareness of your inferiority. The moment you enter the austere space, you realize this is where the rest of your life will be determined. There is a man behind the door to… Continue reading I Just Want to Run

Custody, parenthood

I Have No Confidence in This But Let’s Give it a Try

“I have no confidence in this but let’s give it a try.” Those are the words of the judge when he gave his ruling nine days ago. Every waking moment of my life since those words has been spent in speculation. Did my son’s father and stepmother know this judge? Was their sweaty, pudgy, red-faced,… Continue reading I Have No Confidence in This But Let’s Give it a Try

Custody, parenthood, Uncategorized

The Thing I Want Most

Today I am angry. I know in my heart of hearts an atrocious crime was committed. I know because I realize I am not crazy. I am not a control freak and I am not the reason my son left me. My son’s sperm donor tells him I am a control freak, just a stupid… Continue reading The Thing I Want Most