parenthood

Maintenance

I have not had the urge to word vomit all over this blog or journal. I think that is probably a good thing. I think I am just trying to maintain.

I have been doing more reading on how to become involved with Parental Alienation advocacy. I am on a productive track…I’ll keep you posted.  

A post that is circulating around a few of the Parental Alienation Facebook group pages caught my attention. Iit is  100% my situation and I am learning it is a situation that is furiously spreading throughout the world.

My kid is “rude, obnoxious, and often hateful.” I have responded harshly to my child’s rejection and that has most definitely compounded the problems. I have not read this book yet. It is on my list of ASAP to-do’s.

I bet this hits home with a lot of targeted parents:

ONE ERROR THAT CAN COST YOU YOUR CHILDREN

If you have any hope of convincing the judge in your custody case that it is in your children’s best interest to resume contact with you, read on.

Alienated children are rude, obnoxious, and often hateful. They express, and provoke, great hostility. Responding in kind is understandable. But it could be fatal to your relationship with your children.

Respond harshly to your children’s rejection and you compound the problem. First, harsh words will not penetrate the children’s veil of anger. Harshness will make it more difficult for the children to overcome their alienation. Second, harsh responses play into the hands of the alienating parent—or other relatives who support the children’s loss of a relationship with you—because the harshness provides more ammunition to convince the children that they should avoid you. Third, and perhaps most important, your harsh responses to the children make it more difficult for a therapist, custody evaluator, guardian ad litem, and the judge to understand the roots of the children’s rejection.

DON’T: respond harshly to your children’s rejection.

DO: wear a thick skin, exercise self-restraint, and show empathy for the children’s feelings despite their obnoxious and belligerent behavior.

When children are cruel to you and your loved ones, it is difficult to consistently follow these rules. In fact, most rejected parents on whose cases I have consulted were unable to avoid some lapses, some outbursts of temper. They are only human. But if you keep these rules in mind you increase your chances of helping your children cope with negative influences. If someone you love is a rejected parent, and the person is getting ready to lose it, remind him or her of the negative fallout that will likely follow a harsh response. Put simply: alienated parents must bite their tongues when faced with their children’s aggression

For instructions on how to implement this advice, and a discussion of additional rules to overcome alienation, see the chapters on Bad-mouthing, Bashing, and Brainwashing, and Poison Control, in the updated edition of “Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing.” – Dr. Richard A. Warshak

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